Introducing the Superior Board Game Night

From: Nathan
To: Game Friends

Game Friends,

Let’s face it: Sunday Game Night is a broken mess that does not live up to its own promises. Remember when you were told you could play your own games? The grim reality is the fat cats in Washington decide what game you play. The emails keep getting later and later, and yet they have the gall to ask you to RSVP in advance! It’s time to repeal the failed experiment that is Sunday Game Night and replace it with something better: Superior Board Game Night.

My bold and brave vision of American Freedom is that you should be exactly as free as you can afford, no more, no less. The simple fact is, a friendly gathering just can’t work if people who bring drinks get to eat the food brought by people who bring snacks, or if hungry people eat nachos they did not personally prepare. That’s why, under the draft SBGN legislation I’m introducing, people who contribute more to the overall Game Night process will be rewarded with special bonuses in games, such as extra turns, dice re-rolls, peeks at Hanabi tiles, or the ability to use four or more words in a Codenames clue.

Now, we don’t just get to wave our hands and get these amazing new benefits for free. To cover the costs of this new plan, we’ll have to move the start time to Sunday at 6pm. But if you think about it, that’s one more hour in which you can earn money to be able to afford the copious snacks and drinks required to stay competitive, so: you’re welcome.

Yours in patriotic magnanimity,
Nathan

From: Kaitlin
To: Game Friends

Good on you Nathan.
People have been freeloading off the SGN system for far too long.

The real question is: If an individual refuses to allocate their resources toward the common good of SBGN and instead lies on top of the board game table, is it legal to run them over with a car?

Asking for a friend.

From: Lauren
To: Game Friends

I feel :(

Sent from my iPhone, which costs the same as at least five SGN payments.

From: Ryan
To: Game Friends

Thus far I have abstained from the SGN and now the SBGN discussions. But I think enough is enough. I have also in all honesty been an outsider to this whole operation. Having never participated, never attended, or never had to freeload off the drink bringers, the food makers, or the game hosters I believe that I am in a particularly enlightened position to drain the swamp. Because I obviously know how to make this whole thing great again. I just want it to be clear though- I love Mexican food.

Kaitlin: It is reasonable to think that a person that can afford a car should be allowed to run over any loser they want. Especially if they are following the stand their ground code of ethics.

My plan is the best, I mean it’s really good, and really smart, and basically the biggest revision you have ever heard, I have been discussing with my friend Vlad. Which you probably heard it through my wire tapped phone (McCarthyism all over again). Vlad he is a very smart very great man.

Unfortunately I won’t be able to attend SGN or even the revised clearly superior SBGN as I will be travelling to mar a lago for the weekend. Best of luck with your revisions. I will sign whatever comes across my desk Monday morning. And Sean will not be taking questions after this.

Thank you
Thinskin Tinyhands

P.s. Voter fraud.